Tomorrow is the start of a new week. I got to prepare myself. Jus heard that RWPS have a test tomorrow n i haven't prepared. I just filed up my lecture notes. Hope i can find my stuff easily from now on. I need to b tidy.
Sometimes kinda wondered y m i so slow in catching hidden meanings? Mayb if i were to catch those meanings, things would be different. Everyday things get worst. Jus when i tot everything was okay. I got no one to tell stuff to. They won't hear me. I tried..Either their busy or they ignore. Bottling up troubles inside doesn't really help. It aches the heart. I don't know how much more of this can i take. N because of my mood, Im pissing people off. I don't mean it. But of course they dun know for e fact that i din mean on purpose. I jus say the wrong stuff. Or i don't say the stuff im supposed to say. I wish to wake up from this nightmare and have all what I wished to happen.
Zii, sorry i once again pissed you off. i alwaes do. I feel bad about it. Tried to think what to say right. I jus can't. Disappointed you. N I know u r. I wish that i catch every meaning u're trying to say too. But like you said. I am slow. No matter how hard I tried. Doesn't do anything. Hate myself. I neither could I study well, nor could i play pro. I can't seem to do anything. Is there something that..i can do? I can't talk well, my language isn't good, my electone playing is not very good..Can't cheer ppl up. I dunno. I feel my existence is redundant here. My presence jus pisses people off. Wow, I shed a tear. Been along time since my tear glands worked again. I tried to act tough. So that people would not look down on me. Its all nothing but a mask. During my primary school days, I would cry at every small matter. As i went into my sec sch. I din cry. But i was very anti-social. Used to get teased alot often. As i was not very good in sports and stuff. Classmates called me names. I was angry..but i noe i would be outnumbered. So everyday i would try destress myself by punching my room walls. Obviously it wasn't a very wise thing to do. Hurts myself. When i reached Sec3, I told myself I can't let this carry on. Thats when i made my mask n put it on whenever i went to sch. Soon, I managed to mix well. But however, that impression of my past still leaves a trace. I guess for that reason, that i don't fight back, thats how my tagboard got disturbed by teasers again? I don't see a point fiteing back. I dun wanna blow up matters? I jus wanna have friends who will be there. I find it hard to figure myself out now. Is my smile to my friends real that im happy or a mask that hides a different emotion behind? There are some people I don't wish to lose. N I never want to lose. Zii and my besties u r one of em. Maybe, i should do some soul-searching for myself and see what i am. Time to put an end to this....
Sometimes kinda wondered y m i so slow in catching hidden meanings? Mayb if i were to catch those meanings, things would be different. Everyday things get worst. Jus when i tot everything was okay. I got no one to tell stuff to. They won't hear me. I tried..Either their busy or they ignore. Bottling up troubles inside doesn't really help. It aches the heart. I don't know how much more of this can i take. N because of my mood, Im pissing people off. I don't mean it. But of course they dun know for e fact that i din mean on purpose. I jus say the wrong stuff. Or i don't say the stuff im supposed to say. I wish to wake up from this nightmare and have all what I wished to happen.
Zii, sorry i once again pissed you off. i alwaes do. I feel bad about it. Tried to think what to say right. I jus can't. Disappointed you. N I know u r. I wish that i catch every meaning u're trying to say too. But like you said. I am slow. No matter how hard I tried. Doesn't do anything. Hate myself. I neither could I study well, nor could i play pro. I can't seem to do anything. Is there something that..i can do? I can't talk well, my language isn't good, my electone playing is not very good..Can't cheer ppl up. I dunno. I feel my existence is redundant here. My presence jus pisses people off. Wow, I shed a tear. Been along time since my tear glands worked again. I tried to act tough. So that people would not look down on me. Its all nothing but a mask. During my primary school days, I would cry at every small matter. As i went into my sec sch. I din cry. But i was very anti-social. Used to get teased alot often. As i was not very good in sports and stuff. Classmates called me names. I was angry..but i noe i would be outnumbered. So everyday i would try destress myself by punching my room walls. Obviously it wasn't a very wise thing to do. Hurts myself. When i reached Sec3, I told myself I can't let this carry on. Thats when i made my mask n put it on whenever i went to sch. Soon, I managed to mix well. But however, that impression of my past still leaves a trace. I guess for that reason, that i don't fight back, thats how my tagboard got disturbed by teasers again? I don't see a point fiteing back. I dun wanna blow up matters? I jus wanna have friends who will be there. I find it hard to figure myself out now. Is my smile to my friends real that im happy or a mask that hides a different emotion behind? There are some people I don't wish to lose. N I never want to lose. Zii and my besties u r one of em. Maybe, i should do some soul-searching for myself and see what i am. Time to put an end to this....
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